Monday, May 13, 2013

Black Holes

I love Google+, it is fantastic  for many reasons, let me give you one.

Right now I am having a discussion on Google+ on black holes and how exotic matter influences them. Now, I am certainly no expert on black holes, but the experts don't seem to mind holding my hand and helping me to understand.

Take THAT Facebook.


I get to work fairly early (6 a.m.), I  just wake up  early. I work all day and at  the end of the day I am frustrated. Not overly so, I think its a normal amount. I am frustrated at the  technical debt that my company is paying off, I am frustrated that sometimes I feel like I am adding to it, I am frustrated that we had a free company lunch on the day that the cafeteria had "cubano" sandwiches. Yeah, I missed out on a sandwich  with two  types of ham. TWO!

So when I get home, I want to relax, I  want to accomplish something, I want to contribute. So, like many developers I have a  pet project that I work on in my free time. The nature of the project we can discuss in a future post, but in short, I collect every bit of digital data about my life and I store it. Every. Bit. Its a fantastic challenge and oddly rewarding. I found some weird patterns in my life.

The past week I thought "I need a better, unified, mobile aware front end to my data."  God dammit. Now I  feel like I am going to work to relax. Javascript is horrible. It is Satan's tool to undermine all that is good. Ok, maybe not, but its also fairly weird. So its Objected Oriented right? Cool, so I get that, lemme just work out the syntax and any minor anomalies... Yeah. Go to hell. I cant even  discuss this, just read this:

I'm out.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Parris, we hardly knew ye...

Parris used to work with me, when he left, I sent this email mourning his imminent departure. This was several months ago, but somebody just reminded me of it, so  I thought that I would post it here. This is the unedited email that sent, typos and all.

As I am sure you are all painfully aware, Parris will be leaving the show at the end of this season; while this saddens us deeply at the network, we also see this as an opportunity to recast the role of "PaulC's sidekick" and possibly pick up a new demographic.

When we first brought Parris on, the network execs were  concerned that his tattoos and white trash comments might hurt the shows "house mom" demographic, knowing that PaulC had an exceptionally tight grip on women 35-55, they brought Parris on in hopes that he would play well with males 18-34. And man did he play well. 

The network wanted to terminate Parris after the third episode titled
"NNaaww, but that bug cost us $500,000"
but the advertisers convinced them to keep him on until the end of the first season. What nobody could have possibly predicted was that Parris would be such a huge hit in the GBLT community. His tattoos, heavy drinking, questionable recreational drug use and involvement in homeless Republican midget knife fighting gave him the "bad boy" moniker, while his left leaning politics, infatuation with Twilight, love of cats, and Smart Car, made him an instant hit with gay men. As you are surely aware, the internet forums are on fire with news and photos every time Parris goes to Provincetown with his "wife". A recent Gallop poll indicates that every Gay Latino on the planet (every. single. one.) wants to take Parris home to meet his parents; Parris is a macho, "man’s man", but knows how to treat a man. What father wouldn't be proud of his son for landing Parris?

So  if you, or someone that you know (but don't particularly respect) is interested, we are now making casting call appointments for PaulC's new sidekick (possibly henchman). Note that we are not necessarily trying to replace Parris's personality, but we would like to try to keep viewers that Parris brought to the show. 
Things to  think about:
* If you were going to Provincetown for a long weekend, and the hotel brochure said that this was "Bear weekend" and that the pool would turn into a "veritable Bear stew", would you cancel your reservations, or make sure that you have an extra battery for your camera?
* Do you even get the above reference?
* Is Bruce Jenner just "the dood from the Kardasians"?
* Is the absolute value of the sum of a series of numbers equal to the sum of the absolute values? 
* Do you think that its "ok" to make lewd comments about PaulC's 23 year old daughter?
* Regarding the above point, do you think that its "ok" for PaulC to meet you in the parking lot and kick the living shit out of you?
* If you lose a bet, do you do  the honorable thing and "take your medicine" or do you try to worm out  of it? (Just to be  clear, Parris never  tried to welsh on a bet.)
* Do you think that it’s funny to make bets that will, either directly or indirectly, make people do silly/absurd/possibly dangerous things? Examples include, but are not limited to: Take shots of random liquids at bars, sponsor a Wendy's $1 value meal menu challenge, make bets where the loser has to eat a 2 year old ham, bet that a person can’t eat 1/4 of three separate birthday cakes in 10 minutes, etc.  
* In the sidekick (or possibly "henchman") role, are you ok with the leading man making clear, undeniable commitments, and then blowing them off, repeatedly? 
* Do you have a REALLY creepy smile that you can flash at will?
* Do you consider Reddit a respectable news source that you read for hours every  day?
* Do you enjoy sending NSFW links to co-workers during business hours?
* Does putting habanero oil on the rim  of a  coworkers coffee cup make you giggle?
* Do you own a "mind molester"?
* Do you think that trying to game/troll the internet via bogus Yelp reviews, Reddit, etc, is fun?
* How are your banana handling skills?
* On "American Dad" one of Rogers alter egos is an 80 year old woman named "Abigail Lemonparty". Did that make you laugh?
* Do you have a tag line? (other than "I'll slap a ho", that was Parris's and we can’t re-use it for both legal and ethical reasons)
* How do you feel about swimming in tighty-whities?
* Do you think that torturing your workmates  by manipulating SVN to such a degree that it could actually  harm the company is "funny"?
* Really, how uncomfortable does this email make you?

Monday, April 29, 2013

That wolf better have papers.

In a twist reminiscent of the Twilight Zone, there is talk about taking gray wolves off of the endangered species list. Their numbers have grown such that there are enough to be a sustainable community. Good.
BUT,  the  MEXICAN Gray Wolf is still going to be endangered, and thus it will  still be a federal crime to shot one.

SO, check the papers on the next  gray wolf you shoot and only shoot those  mangy American Wolves, because the native Mexican Wolves are protected...

The Radicalization of America

Sorry for the long hiatus, but I'm back...
I understand that we have concerns about the "radicalization" of young Muslims. Is it a valid concern? I certainly think so. Its far too easy to fire people up and make them do crazy and violent things. And even if they don't do something crazy, just having radical people in the wild is not good for society. It creates discontent, unrealistic societal goals, and general stupidity. I mean, right? So why is it acceptable for Rush Limbaugh, Glen Beck, Alex Jones, and Fox News to preach radicalization and hatred? So if imams do it,its bad, but if Fox does it, its good?

I was talking to somebody a couple days after the Boston Bombing, and they said that we need to put tracking chips in Muslims that are granted citizenship.
Stop reading this; go get a glass of water and let that sink in.
So this guy is saying that we should put tracking chips in US citizens based on their ethnic background. We would have two levels of citizens, those that we trust, and those that we don't. The ones that we don't trust we put chips in to track them.
 3 speeding tickets? CHIP!
Download copyrighted material? CHIP!
Killed a hooker while drunk? We'll let that go, you're prolly a politician.
Destroy the entire US economy over greed and a new car? CH.., no wait, BONUS!

Ok, do they get Miranda rights? Can they vote? Can they own property? Where does it end? And that's not even the point, you want to treat U.S. Citizens like cattle? Hell no. You don't want them to be citizens, that's one thing, but once they are a citizen, they are given all the rights and privileges of that appointment. This isn't 1850, you don't get to strip people of their rights based on your bias and paranoia.

So these two Muslim kids bombed Boston, that is horrific and one of them paid the ultimate price while the other will certainly wish that he had died with his brother. But had you tracked them, what would be different today? Nothing. This is such a TSA response, focus in on the minute detail and get lost in it. "Dood put a bomb in his shoe? NO MORE SHOES!!!" Xenu.

How would chipping Muslim Americans stop Tim McVeigh? Yeah, remember him? American born and bred. How would chipping Muslim Americans stop Arab Muslims from bombing Americans over seas? It would probably make it worse. "We want to you stop hating us, and to that end we are going to treat ALL of you like shit and hope for the best."

You want Muslims to stop hating us? Here's a thought, and I'm going to pull this right from the religious book that these American's use to radicalize people: "do unto others as you would them do unto you" Yeah. Think about it: don't shit on people; treat them with respect. Hey, a Muslim kid blew up the Marathon. When the Muslim community hangs their head in sorrow, don't scream at them, don't accuse them, give em a big hug. Let them know that you don't hold THEM responsible, help them stop the radicalization.

When I travel overseas the thought of people holding me accountable for everything that the US has done just scares the shit out of me.