YAPR #2

Or “Why is your site so dam slow?”

I can not believe how many sites take more than 10 seconds to load, its absolutely astounding. Pay attention and note how many times you have to wait for a page to load, its unacceptable.

I get that there may be some congestion in the pipes and that will slow down the interwebs, but that is rarely the problem, its almost always bad site design. When I go to a page and I see a “Loading…” I immediately close the browser and skip that site. If you have a message that means that you DESIGNED your site to be slow.

I get that some sites need to run an application and will therefore be slow, for example almost any game site (kongregate for example), but when I go to a blog or other information site there is just no reason for it. For example, I went to the Mary Lou Retton site (don’t ask) and it throws up a “Loading” message for about 15 seconds. Really? REALLY?! And this site isn’t TOO bad, at least it shows the main content and its only loading a small portion (Achievements), but why would you rub my nose in the fact that your site sucks? Why not just load in the background and NOT point out to me how bad you suck? And while I am picking on Mary Lou’s site, note that when you navigate on her page the entire page flashes and reloads, but only the center content changes, so why not just change the center div?

Its unacceptable, I have a 16mbps internet connection and all you are trying to do is show some text and a few 50k images and I have to WAIT?

 

YAPR #3

ZOMG!
LOOKOUT! ITS ANOTHER PAULC RANT! RRRRRUUUUUNNNNNNN!!!!!

Seriously, duck AND cover.

Uncle Pat and Andy were kind enough to open the Climategate discussion in a private email thread. Andy is 27 years old and Pat is my older brother, so I felt like I could let loose on them, so I did. In fact, Andy may still be crying in a corner, if you see him, give the little guy a hug. :| This has nothing to do with YAPR #6, but it may explain why I am so militant about it. :) Andy and Pat got me all worked up.

I can not stress this enough, but I will try again. You really need to be more careful on Facebook, recall my earlier article regarding online surveys. They are not doing these surveys for altruistic reasons, they are doing it to make money. MAYBE they are making money honestly, like by placing ads on your screen that are highly targeted. YAY! BUT, maybe they are trying to steal your private info.

Sophos did a study where they tried to friend Facebook users and get their personal data and the results were alarming.  You can read the results if you like. Yes, I get that these were friend requests, and YAPR #3 is all about online surveys and games, but the data is similar. If you blindly play games (accept friends) on Facebook you are compromising your online security.

“But PaulC” you ask “why do I care if the bad guys know my email address, date of birth and mothers maiden name?” Because they can then call your bank and say “Hey, this is Suzi, my date of birth is <blah> and my mothers maiden name is McGuillicutty, please give me access to my bank account.”

“Wow, good point, ok, no more surveys for me!” Good, but not good enough. You know those cute little games that you play on Facebook? “oohh! look a <kitty, farm, cow>” yeah, when you give them permission to access your data so that you can play, you are giving them full access. And again, I suggest that you consider quid pro quo; do you really think that these companies are saying “Hey, lets create a game for free and not worry about revenue!” prolly not. They want something in return, and they are getting it, trust me.

Look, I get that you get bored and are looking for a distraction online. So go to http://www.google.com/reader and keep up on what ever interests you; cats, farm animals, electronics, trucks, politics, whatever. And if you want to play free online games (and really, who doesn't?) then go to kongregate or one of the other flash game sites and play their great games. You don’t have to register, but if you choose to, you don't have to give them any private information.  So how does kongregate make money? Off of the ads that they show.

YAMIDNTS

Yet Another Movie I Don’t Need To See. “The Social Network” aka “The FaceBook movie”. Apparently Justin Timerlake is in it, I am not really sure how major his role is. The fact that he is in the movie actually makes it BETTER, not worse. I have seen Justin in a few shows/movies recently and it turns out that he is pretty dam funny, but who the hell wants to see a Facebook movie? I mean really…

This may in fact be “YAMTIRTS” (“Yet Another Movie That I Refuse To See”"). Seriously, how the hell can this POSSIBLY be a good movie? A good documentary? Maybe, but no way in hell with this be a good movie.

YAPR #5

I just watched a show on BBC America “MI-5”, its a drama that follows a team at MI-5. Good drama, excellent stories. Just now one of the operatives was on the radio and ended the transmission with “Roger, Over and Out”.

Really? REALLY? You know, when you say something stupid, somewhere a baby gets punched in the face, so smarten up.

In radio communications the goal is brevity, conservation of bandwidth. The FCC requires that communications be done at the lowest possible power level and the lowest possible bandwidth needed to complete the contact. Yes, you may be licensed to operate at 100 watts, but if you can make the contact at 1, you should. Yes, you can transmit that telefax at 9600 baud, but in some bands you are restricted to 2400 baud. Its good radio practice and helps keep the airways clear. This tends to create terse radio operators. So, saying “over and out” is too wordy, but its also incomprehensible. “Over” means “I am done transmitting, awaiting reply” and “Out” means “I am done transmitting, ending conversation.” So “Over and Out” means, literally “I am done transmitting, awaiting reply. Done transmitting, conversation over.” So which is it? Are you standing by or ending the communication?

And just for completeness… “Roger Wilco” is redundant. “Roger” means “affirmative”. Wilco is a military term that is derived from “Will Comply”. So yes, you can say “Roger Wilco”, but its redundant', either “Roger” or “Wilco” will suffice. Although it COULD be argued that “Roger Wilco” can be translated as “Copy, Wilco”. But again, would you comply if you did not copy the message? I would hope not, therefore “Wilco” is fine. BUT, “Roger Wilco, Over and Out” is right out.

-- PaulC, over.

YAPR #4

Or “Starbucks Lingo”

Sorry Andy, this is not a BSG post. :)

I had coffee with my friend Steve the other day at Starbucks, I got there a little early so I decided to grab a coffee and read while I waited. So I was in line to order coffee and there was a short Hispanic gentleman in front of me and it was his turn to order. I really don’t care what he is getting, so I automatically tune it out, but about 10 seconds  into his order process I realize that this is taking far too long so I tune in.

Barista: Well, would you like strong coffee, something more mild, or…
Customer: Uhh, mild I guess.
Barista: Leave room for milk?
Customer: SSSSure, why not?
Barista: Tall, Grande, or Venti?
Customer: Excuse me?
Barista: Tall, Grande, or Venti?
Customer: What?
Barista: Would you prefer a Tall, Grande, or Venti?
PaulC: Excuse me. (to the customer) Small, medium or large?
Customer: OH! Medium please.

So I order my “Grrrrrrrande Latte”, they put a top on it like they always do, I go to  throw it away, like I always do, and there at the coffee  condiments stand is the Hispanic gentleman. I say “excuse me” while I reach past him to put my lid in the garbage. He says, in broken, but understandable English “Oh, no problem.”

I go sit down to drink my coffee and ponder this situation.

I have never liked the Starbucks affectation of made up size categories and this situation perfectly exemplifies why. The customer had never been to a Starbucks before, English is not his native language and he is asked seemingly random questions about his coffee. Now some of the questions are just cultural noise, for example “would you like room for milk”. Uh, really? Just leave room and don’t ask. But by far the more interesting random question was the “what size would you like” fiasco. The barista did NOT say “What size would you like; Tall, Grande, or Venti?” thus giving our intrepid foreigner a clue as to the nature of the question, that fact alone is worth noting, but far more interesting are the choices. What was the poor man thinking?

Let us assume that his native language was Spanish or based on Spanish. He is in a foreign country, so he has had at least some exposure to other cultures. The barista says “Would you like tall, grande, or venti?” Lets jump into his head, shall we?
”hmm, I am only  5’-4”, by no means tall, so I don’t want anything made for a tall person. Grande? No, that sounds too big and I am still traumatized by that ‘big gulp’ that I had yesterday, I just want a coffee. Venti? Hmm, no, I want one cup of coffee, not 20!”

So the barista, seeing his confusion, hearing his accent, repeats herself, again with no clue as to what these three unrelated words mean. Now THATS helpful. She could have said “Would you like needle, cow, or jet?” and had the same impact. And in fact, why not? Jets are bigger than cows, and cows are bigger than needles. So why not use that for size nomenclature? Because its stupid and would require that customers understand your secret language. And in fact, that’s exactly what Starbucks wants, and that is why they use “Tall, Grande, Venti” it sounds so European! But “needle, cow, jet” makes me think of possibly farmers, but really it just sounds ludicrous as there is no obvious connection between the objects. Don’t get me wrong, “Tall, Grande, Venti” is pretty stupid too, but it makes customers feel European and “in the know”. Great marketing.

So, when you are at Starbucks, order a grande as if you are an 18th century Spanish courtier, and just roll the shit out of that “r”. I mean if you say “grande” and it takes you less than 5 seconds, you aren’t rolling it enough. When they look at you like you are insane (and they will) just say “Hey man, its your affectation, not mine, would you prefer that I order a medium?”

There are, as of today, 3 Starbucks’ near me, that when I walk in, the barista yells “grrrrrrrrrrrande latte!”. Spread it.

YAPR

or “Yet Another PaulC Rant”

KindleBoards is one of the best kindle forums around. Some one asked the question “Do you still purchased DTBs?” (DTB = Dead Tree Book) So I typed a reply that quickly turned into “PaulC rant #6” which is partially covered in this post. Anyway, the KindleBoards server went offline so I cant post it. :( I assume that it will be back shortly, but I need to head over to Charlottes to help with her computer and I don’t want to loose a perfectly good rant! So here it is.

In Response to the question “(As a kindle owner) do you still buy DTBs?”

Nope.
Never.
Ever.

PaulC is a man of extremes, I have been kindle-ized and there is no return. I am on a jihad, a quest, a crusade, a holy war, I am under a gies (pick the word that best fits your imaginary friend) and you can not dissuade me!

(most) Publishers think, "pfft, we don't need to support ebooks! We will overcharge, they are a captive audience! Either they will pay too much for the electronic version, or we will sell them the DTB version. We OWN the reader!!"

To that I say that the publishers will be well met on the battlefield! They own nothing but their own outdated business practices! Your books hold no sway o'er me! I will read that which is free (as in speech) and revel in my ability to read it on my kindle, blackberry, or even my desktop computer! Your wily business practices will bring you naught but ruin and destruction! You can over charge for your books, but we are free people and we can read that which is free (as in beer) or possibly cheap! We will not buy your dam dead tree books!!

So, if you weren’t frothing at the mouth for that last sentence, please read the entire paragraph again, this time with EMOTION. And, uh, well, any place where I said "we" you can probably replace with "I". :) BUT, my point is this...

DON'T DO IT! Do not pay $20 for an ebook, and do not purchase DTBs! Publishers need to change their model. It may mean that you cannot read the latest NY Times Best Cellar, but so what? Broaden your horizons.

Kindle Comments that I am tired of

I am really getting tired of reading these comments, and many are from non kindle owners.

1. “The Kindle does not support PDF.”
   True, but do you really care? Follow me close gang. The Adobe “Portable Document Format”, frankly isn’t. Sure, you can take PDF file from a Mac, to a PC, to a Linux box just fine, but only if they have large displays. A PDF file is formatted to a specific size, usually 8.5” x 11<”. So take that file to ANY device with a small screen, and its going to be tough reading. The answer here is to have Adobe fix PDF, or use a different file format.  And if you say “But I MUST have PDF support!” Fine, you can use a convertor to convert the PDF and upload it to your kindle, or you can just email to your kindle and it will be converted and sent wirelessly. So while its true that the kindle does not natively support PDF, you can read PDF files on your kindle.
   
2. “The Kindle is a closed system!”
   Not really. Its an ebook reader, not a general computing device. As a comparison, I give you the iPhone. Apple markets the iPhone as a lifestyle device, you can read email, play games, listen to music, run random applications, oh, and its a phone. Then Apple says “BUT, you can only install applications that Apple develops, or that don’t compete with Apples current or future product offerings. If you try to install other applications on it, we will see you in court.” See THATS a closed system. Compare that to the kindle, its an ebook reader, you can read ANY electronic content that you want on it, put a text file with directions to a meeting, a recipe, a PDF file (see point #1), anything you want. OH, you want to crack it open and run other applications? That's stupid, but go ahead, Amazon doesn’t support or encourage it, but they wont call their lawyers on you for doing it. How is that “closed”?
   
3. “The Text To Speech (TTS) feature is bad for writers!”
   A variant I have also heard is “Amazon is removing TTS, that's unacceptable!”
   No, what's unacceptable is that you frakkin care. Let me make one thing clear, there are many people with physical disabilities that can benefit from TTS and they have no choice but to use it or a similar technology; I am NOT referring to those users in this rant.
   DOOD, TTS sucks. Really, listen to TTS read Poe’s “The Raven”, you will want to puncture your ears after 5 seconds. Imagine C-3PO reading it, TTS is 100 times worse. Really, there is no flavor, no bias, no love, no hate, its mechanical! How is that bad for writers or for the actors guild? If you listen to the TTS read “The Raven” and you think “Wow, that sounds better than my inner voice” you should shoot yourself. As for Amazon removing it, they are not removing it, the writers guild is, so blame the guild not Amazon.  
   
4. “I wont pay $9.99 for a book!”
   Ahmen sister.
   The publisher is selling the ebook for 10% less than the physical book?! Are they high? The publishers claim that in the price of a book a very small fraction (< 10%) goes towards the physical plant (paper, printing, warehouse, distribution, etc) so that means that an ebook is still pretty expensive. So 90% of the cost of a book goes into marketing, authors, editors and overhead? That is either bullshit, or the publishing industry needs to get their business in order.
   From Harper Collins:
   We still pay for the author advance, the editing, the copyediting, the proofreading, the cover and interior design, the illustrations, the sales kit, the marketing efforts, the publicity, and the staff that needs to coordinate all of the details that make books possible in these stages. The costs are primarily in these previous stages; the difference between physical and electronic production is minimal. In fact, the paper/printing/binding of most books costs about $2.00…
   Via Futurismic
   If that’s true than the publishing industry is due for a major upheaval.  Either way, PaulC will not be purchasing any ebooks for anywhere near $9.
   
5. “I paid $350 for the ereader, books should be free!”
   ok, and you should work for free too. Look man, DONT BUY BOOKS. At least don’t buy books that cost $9. If you can’t do that, if you HAVE to be reading the current NY Times best seller, then maybe the kindle isn’t for you. For me it makes perfect sense. I am just finishing “Moby-Dick” next on the list is “Frankenstein”, “Great Expectations”, “The Complete Sherlock Holmes”, and the complete “Tarzan” series, all free. Go to FeedBooks and see all the public domain books, including some awesome scifi! And not to be too harsh, but if your reading list is exclusively pulled from the NY Times best cellar (pun intended) list, then you need to consider broadening your horizons.
   
6. “Books should be free!”
   I agree, books should be free, as in  “free speech” (not as in “free beer”). And all of my books are, see this post.